How Direct Debit Reminders Can Support People Living With Dementia

You’re helping your mum go through the post. There’s a red reminder notice for the gas, a letter about a cancelled insurance policy, and a subscription she doesn’t even remember starting.

She looks at you, confused.

“I thought they just took it every month… I can’t keep up anymore.”

If you’re supporting someone living with dementia, this might feel very familiar.

Money worries can creep in quietly – not because someone is careless, but because memory, attention and confidence are changing. Direct debits and subscriptions, which are supposed to make life easier, can start to feel risky.

This is where a simple, gentle tool – a direct debit reminder you control yourself – can make a real difference.

Dementia and money: what actually starts to happen?

You probably know the medical side of dementia is handled by doctors. But the money side often falls to you – the partner, adult child, friend, or carer.

Some very normal things start to happen:

• **Forgetting what’s due and when** – People can’t remember if the water bill is monthly or quarterly, or which day the TV licence goes.
• **Losing track of who’s being paid** – Insurance, charity donations, streaming, clubs… they blur together.
• **Paying things twice** – A bill arrives in the post, so they pay it, not realising there’s already a direct debit.
• **Fear of touching the bank account** – Worry that “I’ll break something” or “I’ll cancel the wrong thing”, so they stop checking.

None of this is about intelligence. Dementia affects memory, decision-making and confidence. That’s all it takes for bills to be missed, charges to build up, and for someone who’s always been sensible with money to feel suddenly “bad with it”.

Why direct debits can feel risky (even though they’re meant to help)

Direct debits and standing orders *should* simplify life. But with dementia in the mix, they can create stress.

Common worries you might hear:

• “Money just disappears. I don’t know what’s gone.”
• “I’m scared they’ll take out more than they should.”
• “I don’t know which ones I still need.”

You might feel stuck between:

• **Leaving everything as it is**, hoping nothing goes wrong, or
• **Taking over completely**, which can feel like removing someone’s independence.

There is a middle ground: keeping the payments in place, but adding **an extra layer of visibility and reminders** that *you* (or they) control.

That’s exactly where a simple reminder tool like My Direct Debits (MDD) can help.

> Quick reminder: MDD doesn’t connect to bank accounts and can’t see any transactions. It’s a simple, user-set reminder and awareness tool – *you* type in what’s due and when.

How a direct debit reminder can help someone with dementia

Think of MDD as a shared calendar, but just for regular payments – direct debits, standing orders and subscriptions.

You (or the person you’re supporting) add:

• Who the payment is to
• Roughly how much it is
• How often it comes out (monthly, quarterly, yearly, etc.)
• The usual date

MDD then emails you a reminder *before* the money is due to leave the account.

Here’s how that helps specifically with dementia.

1. Reduces the fear of “mystery money” leaving

Instead of money vanishing without warning, you get a nudge:

> “Your car insurance direct debit of about £40 is due in 3 days.”

That gives you and the person you’re supporting time to:

• Check the bank balance if you want
• Decide if the payment still makes sense
• Phone the company in advance if anything looks wrong

For someone with dementia, that little bit of **predictability** can be calming.

2. Helps carers step in at the right moment

You might not live with the person you’re supporting. You can’t check their post every day. But you *can*:

• Set up reminders to go to your email (with their permission), or
• Sit with them and check reminders together once a week

So instead of:

> “Mum, why is there a red bill notice again?”

You get:

> “Mum, I can see the energy bill’s due on Friday – shall we check you’re happy with it?”

The same payments are happening – but you’re **in the loop before** anything goes wrong.

3. Gives the person with dementia more sense of control

Losing control is one of the most painful parts of dementia.

A tool like MDD can be used in a way that still centres them:

• They help list out all their regular payments (it can bring back a sense of “I know what’s going on”).
• You agree together how much detail to add.
• You decide together who gets which emails.

It’s not someone swooping in to “take over”. It’s more:

> “We’re going to help future-you remember what present-you has decided.”

That feels very different emotionally.

4. Cuts down on duplicate or long-forgotten payments

A lot of people – dementia or not – end up paying for:

• Old insurance policies that no longer apply
• Duplicate cover that’s now included with a bank account
• Subscriptions they can’t remember signing up for

When you sit down to set up MDD, you’re forced (in a good way) to ask:

> “Do we still want this one?”

That conversation:

• Gives you a clear list of **what’s intentional** and what can be cancelled.
• Makes future changes easier – you can add or remove payments from MDD in 30 seconds.

MDD won’t cancel anything for you – it just reminds you. But that reminder is often the nudge you need to actually make the call.

5. Works even if you don’t want to share bank details

Many families feel uneasy about:

• Sharing online banking logins
• Downloading apps that connect directly to the bank
• Granting lasting power of attorney (or they’re still in the process)

Because MDD **doesn’t** connect to any bank accounts, it can be used safely while you figure out the more formal arrangements.

You only add what you’re comfortable typing in: names of companies, rough amounts, dates. Nothing more.

Using MDD alongside dementia support, not instead of it

MDD is *not* a dementia service, a medical tool, or regulated financial advice.

It can’t:

• Spot suspicious transactions
• Freeze or block payments
• Tell you whether a particular direct debit is a “good idea” or not

What it *does* do is close a very real gap:

• Advice might be: _“Keep an eye on regular bills and cancel anything no longer needed.”_
• Reality: life is busy, emotions are high, memory is affected, and that good intention doesn’t quite turn into action.

MDD sits in the middle:

• It **reminds** you what’s coming up.
• It gives you a **moment to act** while there’s still time.

That’s it. Simple, on purpose.

A gentle way to set things up together

If you’re thinking, “This sounds helpful, but where do I even start?” – here’s a calm, step-by-step idea.

Step 1: Choose a quiet time

Pick a moment when the person you’re supporting is usually at their best – maybe late morning, with a cup of tea.

Explain the idea in simple terms, focusing on control:

> “This is just a reminder system. It doesn’t touch your bank at all. It’s like a calendar that tells us when things are due so nothing sneaks up on you.”

Step 2: Gather what you already know

You don’t need a perfect list on day one.

Start with:

• Recent bank statements (paper or online)
• A pile of letters and renewal notices
• Any list they might already have made

Look for:

• “Direct debit to…”
• “Standing order to…”
• Regular subscriptions (TV, mobile, clubs, charities)

Step 3: Add a few key payments first

You don’t have to do everything at once.

Maybe start with:

• Rent or mortgage
• Council tax
• Energy bills
• Water bill

Sign up to MDD via the **[create your free account](/auth)** page and add just those.

Agree who the reminders should go to – them, you, or both.

Step 4: Use it as a conversation starter

When a reminder email comes through, treat it as a chance to check in, not to criticise.

For example:

• “Your TV package is due in 5 days – are you still watching all these channels?”
• “The gym direct debit is coming up – did you still want that, or should we ring them?”

You’re not policing. You’re partnering.

Step 5: Build up the list over time

As other payments pop up –

• Annual insurance renewals
• Streaming services
• Club memberships

– you can add them into MDD in a few seconds. Over a month or two, you’ll build a clear, simple picture of what’s going out regularly.

If you’d like to see exactly how the reminders work, the **[How it works](/how-it-works)** page walks through the process step-by-step.

Looking after yourself as well as them

If you’re supporting someone with dementia, money is only one part of what you’re carrying.

A simple reminder system won’t solve everything. But it can:

• Take some low-level worry out of your head and into a calm, predictable routine
• Reduce arguments about “I never knew about that bill”
• Help you spot problems earlier, before they turn into crises

And importantly, it can let the person you love stay involved with their own money for longer, while there’s still space for their wishes and preferences.

Ready to try a gentle bit of structure?

If you’d like a simple way to see regular payments coming **before** they leave someone’s account – without touching bank details – MDD might be a good fit.

You can create a free account in a couple of minutes, add a few key direct debits, and see how it feels for both of you. If it helps, keep going. If it doesn’t, you’ve lost nothing but a few minutes.

Money and dementia will probably never feel easy. But they can feel **less** chaotic, **less** mysterious and **more** manageable – one small, practical step at a time.